To lose one's voice...

is truly awful in either sense. Though I have had plenty of experiences with losing my voice figuratively, I had forgotten how powerless and frustrating it is to lose my voice literally as well.

For the past week, my body has been racked with illness. Racked, I say, because my body has felt entirely taken over by the "dark thing," that is, evil in molecular form, that is, pathogens. I have undergone the complete spectrum at this point: basic head cold, to flu-like all consuming achy-ness, to chest cold, to bronchitis, to sinusitis. I guess it can only get better from here, right? Oh please, Lord. May it get better.

Anyway, my vocal chords have been physically unable to phonate at all for the past 24 hours. There have been multiple occasions today in which I was extremely tempted to burst into tears or throw a mute temper tantrum. It is infuriating! It feels as if a part of my identity is gone. I cannot express myself. I cannot even begin to think about singing. I cannot communicate, and therefore truly commune with people.

At the restaurant today, I probably came off as a cold-hearted, disengaged bitch of a host since I had to avoid all communication with guests. And for those guests that insisted on talking to me, all I could do in return was smile, nod, and point to my throat. Ugh.

And so, after canceling a coffee date with a friend, getting work off at the store, and feeling entirely estranged from the world, I comforted my heart by reading A Wrinkle in Time...again. Comfort did ensue, as I was reminded of the simple reality of the fight between Good and Evil (the "Dark Thing"). I feel a bit like Meg after she tessered out of Camazotz and was racked with the lingering effects of the Dark Thing. Jealous as I currently am for an Aunt Beast to nurse me back to health, I was surprisingly encouraged and refreshed by the reminder of said fight and the fact that there is always hope. There is hope for this world, racked with darkness. There is hope for my heart racked with darkness. And, thank God, there is hope for my poor body racked with darkness.

Praise God for the light that "shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:5).